And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
