I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
