She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Semen is not good for contacts.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
