I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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