i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
