Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and she was petting her beer can
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
