He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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