she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
