all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
