god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
