it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
