I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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