I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
