We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
