Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
