p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
