Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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