I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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