That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
