I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
this is an emotional support booty call
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
