Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
