I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
