I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
