at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
