If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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