just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
