you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
