we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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