just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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