my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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