how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
