My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
