i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
