its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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