i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
