then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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