is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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