Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
