I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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