I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
