Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
