just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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