he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
