Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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