Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
