god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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