How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
