I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
