well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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