So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
