i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
