well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
