he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Boobs speak an international language.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
