hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
