The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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