I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
