singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
