fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Someone shit on the floor
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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