i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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