while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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