Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
