Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
