Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
